Since the invention of the Internet and satellite TV, it’s become ridiculously easy to be a sports fan. You watch a few games, refer to teams as “we”(my biggest pet peeve) ,  learn something about the top two or three players and maybe buy a jersey. (If you’re a girl, it’s probably one of those cute pink jerseys that make me throw up in my mouth everytime I see them.) In some cases, a fan may be able to masquerade as something more than that. For example, my friend Shakes is a soccer fan, specifically a Manchester United fan. He could go on and on about a few of the players and what they’ve done recently and maybe even impress you with some stories, but that’s as deep as it goes. But the fact that Cristiano Ronaldo transferred from Manchester to Madrid hardly bothered him. Why? At the heart of things, he doesn’t care that much, they’re not HIS TEAM. His team is the Green Bay Packers, and I’ve never seen an angrier than when we first saw Brett Favre in Viking purple.  (This led to my favorite joke, “Hey Zach, you know he faked all those celebrations right?” Classic.)

With a few exceptions,  ownership of a team is something you’re either born with, or pick up very early in life.  The best example I can think of has to be the Boston Red Sox. If you’re born either into a Red Sox family, or in the greater Boston area, you have no choice. You will be a Sawx fan. It’s become much easier in the last five years, you know, since they morphed into a mirror image of the Yankees, but for a long time, it was near impossible to find a reason for the Red Sox to be your team. You know what? It didn’t matter. The entire city of Boston lived and died with that team every year from April through October, and when they finally won, we were all surprised that Boston didn’t just disappear in a ball of fire. If you don’t have a team, you don’t understand. In my case,   I grew up with ownership of three teams and parents who were more than okay with my sports obsession. I am hopelessly devoted to the Bears, Bulls and White Sox, and through all the lean years (and in Chicago, there are always lean years) I followed every game I could, pored over prospect lists and cheated in Madden Franchise mode enough to make Bill Belichick blush. (Rex Grossman once won seven straight MVP awards. ‘Nuff said) I cried when MJ retired, cried again when he came back and was nearly catatonic when he left for good. I willingly sabotaged a relationship by choosing White Sox playoffs games over spending time with my girlfriend at the time, and I would do it the same way again. For better or for worse, I was attached.

As good (or pathetic) as all that sounds, that’s not what makes them “my team. No, it’s something more than rooting, hoping, bargaining and oftentimes praying for a winner. If it’s “your team” you feel a connection to a franchise, the players, other fans and in some cases even the stadium. One of my grandfather in-law’s most prized possessions is a freeze dried chunk of the outfield grass from old Yankee Stadium. He keeps a seventy dollar piece of grass next to him on the coffee table at all times just for the memories that it can trigger.  I despise the Yankees, but it’s impossible not to feel jealous when just glancing at a piece of sod in a glass case transports a man back to the days when he watched men like Mantle, DiMaggio, Maris, Mays and even Hank Aaron play on that very slice of his own personal Mecca. Even at 89 years old, he still gets a twinkle in his eye when the subject of the Bronx Bombers comes up. Without a doubt, the Yankees are His Team.

Unfortunately, most of use aren’t lucky enough to have witnessed an entire team of iconic players in their primes. We have to establish our ownership based on a memory or two here or there, and ultimately, it’s those memories, and not necessarily the results that you remember the most. For Colts’ fans, it’s Joseph Addai breaking through the Patriots secondary to finally vault past them into the Super Bowl. Red Sox fans can all tell you where they were when Dave Roberts stole second base or Big Papi walked off against the Yankees. Any IU fan remembers A.J. Moye out rebounding Elton Brand down the stretch to push past the Blue Devils into the championships game. Heck, even soccer fans have Landon Donovan’s 90 minute miracle against Algeria from 2010. For me, it’s Paxson’s three pointer in 1993 to beat the Suns. It’s “I’m Back”, the 72 win season in 1996 and it’s Ozzie Guillen calling for the big tall right hander in 2005. I can still remember the look on his teammate’s faces as Devin Hester took the opening kickoff to the house against the Colts in the Super Bowl. While nothing can ever top MJ’s strip/steal and jumper to effectively silence the entire state of Utah, that came pretty darn close.  When it’s “your team” it doesn’t matter if they went on to win the championship after (although it is nice) it’s the moment that lives on in your mind that really sticks with you.
Now, you’re probably asking why I’m going through this much trouble to define two things that in all actuality are fairly similar. In recent weeks, I’ve made it very clear that I don’t care much for college football. The early season games are typically cupcake affairs, big games tend to be more lopsided than Kitty was in season two of Arrested Development and aside from the occasional Texas/USC classic, the National Championship game is a joke. With all that said, I do envy college football supporters. There is a glut of games to choose from throughout the week that is unrivaled in any other sport, there are great traditions at nearly every school, and best of all: rivalries are so intense that they can actually temporarily divide families and break up old friendships. I needed to get in on this! A close friend of mine has also been looking for a team to follow, and after heavy debate and scientific breakdowns (Rock,Paper, Scissors anyone?) we decided to become die-hard Michigan Wolverine fans. (For a full breakdown of the process, click here.) This decision has already brought reaction from both ends of the spectrum. Some people find the whole thing amusing and others think the very idea of just choosing a team is preposterous. Why? It’s exactly what I’ve been talking about this whole time. In their eyes, we may be on our way to being fans or even loyalists, but it’s not OUR TEAM. We haven’t earned the right to call it that. That’s why it’s so important to know the difference between fandom and ownership.
As I stated earlier, my love for my teams goes a little deeper than mere fandom (Note: there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being “just a fan”, some people actually have lives.) but it’s going to take some time to get there with the Wolverines. All in all, it’s exciting. It’s a little like starting a new relationship: I have to learn all the history and subtleties and idiosynchrasies that go along with backing Big Blue. Will I ever really get to the point of ownership? I’m not sure. For right now, I’m just a new fan, but maybe someday I can say, “Oh, Michigan? Yeah, they’re my team.”

Football is the perfect sport for the fantasy gimmick. Games happen once a week, so you can be one of “those guys” who simply sets your lineup once a week, or the guy who reads 38,000 expert articles and magazines and combs the waiver wire every week for hours trying to find that perfect pickup. The best part, of course, is that both of those guys (and the one somewhere in the middle) have an equal chance to win their league, because, quite frankly, there’s not really any way to out think everyone else for a title.  Simply put, fantasy football works for everyone because so much luck is involved in being successful.

So based on all this, why would I do a “Who to Pick for Your Fantasy Team” article? Because I have the blog, and I like to pretend I know things. Don’t like it? I believe the kids these days would tell you to “kick rocks barefoot.” Let’s break this down into two categories. First…

Five Guys I absolutely, undoubtedly loathe and won’t touch in a draft ever.

Before we delve into the list, let me say these two things. First, this will not be a “safe” article. I’m not putting Matt Moore on this list. That’s an obvious stay away. I’m calling out guys who most fantasy owners will definitely consider in high rounds.

Second, I am excluding my own personal “No Sports Bigamy” rule (don’t play a guy in fantasy going against your favorite team under any circumstance). For me personally, Maurice Jones-Drew and Chris Johnson are no-goes, because I’d have to sit them for both Colts’ games AND their bye week. These rankings are from a football atheist’s point of view (no favorite team). So, here we go. ESPN’s overall ranking in parenthesis.

Arian Foster (2) RB, Houston Texans

You’re damn right I went there. Look, aside from the Rule of Sports Bigamy, I have three other reasons I hate this guy. First, he’s really not that consistent of a fantasy scorer, which I hate coming from a running back spot. He’s a feast-or-famine guy. Check out his point totals for the first five weeks (standard league scoring): 41, 12, 10, 30, 2. Numbers for weeks 15-17 (typical playoff weeks in Fantasy leagues): 12, 5, 19. If you were lucky enough to get to the championship in week 18, you were rewarded with another score-gouging 31 points.

That’s what you want from the first pick in the draft? Not if you’re trying to win a championship. I’d much rather take 15-20 points each and every week from a first round draft pick, even if I never get a 40 point outburst like Foster is potentially capable of.

Second, Foster revealed this offseason that he won the rushing title last year with a torn meniscus in his knee. Now, while his toughness is commendable, it does make me question his durability, as well as how he will react now that the knee has been repaired. Could it mean he runs more precise and is even more explosive? Absolutely. But just as questions after knee surgery dropped Mark Ingram all the way to 28th this spring, I also would stay away from a guy who had surgery on the powerful legs he relies on to get you all of those points.

The third reason I have aptly named the “Matt Forte Corollary.” Go back with me, if you will, to Fantasy Draft time 2009. With the third pick in our draft, I took second year back Matt Forte of the Chicago Bears, who had just come off a monster rookie campaign (1,700 total yards, 12 combined TDs). I figured, “this guy is going to make ‘the leap!’” Not quite. Defensive coordinators had an entire offseason to figure him out. The result? 1,300 total yards, 4 TDs. Not exactly what I would like to see from the number 3 pick overall. Look, I’m not saying Foster is going to be a bust, but… well, yeah, I actually am. Run and hide.

Mike Vick (10) QB, Eagles

Look, he’s a great story. I love the redemption opportunity sports brings to guys like Mike Vick. But I want a quarterback on my team that I can just relax and expect 270+ yards and 3 TDs each week. Mike Vick does NOT fit this category. He, like Foster, gets feast-0r-famine-y, and I avoid those guys like the plague.

Additionally (and more importantly) this guy gets hurt. He has played in 16 games exactly 1 season in his career. I don’t need my starting fantasy quarterback injuring his shoulder scampering for an extra yard in week 13, right before Fantasy Playoffs begin.

Frank Gore (13) RB, 49ers

Any time you are getting the ball handed off to by this guy, as appears the case this year, you know you’re going to be seeing anywhere between 8 and 13 men in the box, immediately limiting your productivity.  Additionally, he only played in 11 games last year, missing the others with a right hip fracture. Which, in my mind, is a giant red flag that was doused in gasoline and is on fire.

Hakeem Nicks (17) WR, Giants

I cannot fathom why Nicks is ranked above Calvin Johnson, Larry Fitzgerald Reggie Wayne, or Vincent Jackson. I get it; he had a monster year last year (79 rec., 1052 yards, 11 TDs), but are we really expecting that to continue? As the clear number one guy? With two games a year against the Eagles’ new secondary? In the swirling winds of the Meadowlands? Really?

Kenny Britt (19) WR, Titans

This guy was a stud last year catching passes from a corpse last year, but Matt Hasselbeck is a wide receiver killer. Best statistical season for a Seattle wideout when he was the starting quarterback that I could find: Bobby Engram in 2007, (1,100 yards, 6 TDs) and Darrell Jackson in 2006 (956 yds, 10 TDs). And those were 4 and 5 years ago, respectively. No Seahawk last year caught more than 4 touchdowns. I just want more from a second round pick than a touchdown every four weeks.

Now, let’s move on to

Five Guys Whom I Have a Totally Healthy Man-Crush On:

Adrian Peterson (1) RB, Vikings

Look, there’s nothing to say here. He’s the most talented guy. If you have a chance to take him, you do. No questions asked. Don’t out think the room, especially for that dork at #2.

LeSean McCoy (8) RB, Eagles

There’s always that one guy who you just like for reasons beyond stats, and McCoy’s that guy for me. He was on my team last year and felt like the most consistent contributor on my awful team. Why? Because he has all the tools; he catches passes out of the backfield, he can run it 20+ times a game (unless you ask Andy Reid), and he doesn’t get goal line touches poached from. Does the signing of Ronnie Brown scare me a little? Of course. But he’s always hurt, so I’m still taking this guy late round 1/early round 2 of the snake.

Philip Rivers (29) QB, Chargers

I hate him, hate his style, hate his team, but the man always ends up with 300 yards and 3 touchdowns. He is the mark of consistency that I look for in a quarterback. And you’re telling me I can draft my top running back AND receiver before getting him in round 3 (projected)? Yes. Yes please.

Miles Austin (31) WR, Cowboys

Again, I hate that I like this guy, because the Cowboys are almost the most evil team in the world (that title belongs to the Patriots), but I really think he’s in for a ridiculous year. I’m a huge fan of ‘guy who had a big year, followed by unrealistic expectations, followed by an okay year that was deemed a total failure,’ or as the lay person may call it, ‘Miles Austins.’ Look at his numbers: 81 rec, 1,320 yards, 11 TD’s (2009); 69 rec, 1,041 yards, 7 TD’s. You mean to tell me that John Kitna starting in ten (ten!) games last year doesn’t make up for that drop? I have unrealistic expectations again.

Felix Jones (48) RB Cowboys

What. Just. Happened. That’s two Cowboys in the Man-Crush zone. Well, let me defend myself…. Fantasy Football is like dream shopping for cars. It means very little what kind of gas mileage or how dependable a car is when you’re dream shopping… two things matter: ‘Does it look cool?’ and ‘Can it go fast?’ That’s all. Well, in Fantasy Football, the only thing that matters is point production, not the team that the guy plays for (unless he plays against your team, then he has to sit. I’m writing 2,800 words on this next week). The point is, I think Felix Jones is this year’s Ray Rice. As in, he’s the guy we thought was pretty good, but turns into one of the top 4 fantasy running backs by the end of the year.

So, potentially, with the #1 pick in the draft, I could draft four of these guys. And probably finish dead last. That’s the fun of Fantasy Football. You think you have all the answers until the season actually starts.

If you can't even make a McDonald's Start, perhaps retirement is best.

Recently, I’ve decided that I need to see a few more baseball parks throughout the country. While I love Wrigley, I feel like I owe it to myself as a sports fan to branch out and become more well-rounded (I swear that makes sense in my head). Since I’m never going to sit through a baseball game that doesn’t include the Cubs, I decided to take a trip to St. Louis to watch my North-Siders battle our bitter rivals. 

So at the end of July I made the trek to Busch Stadium (with a Cardinals fan, no less) to witness what I had hoped to be a Cubs win. It was not. An Albert Pujols home run and a 13-5 drubbing left my Cubbies at 42-65, 23 games under .500 and approximately 456 games out of first place.

The putrid display in this game, which included scoring 5 runs in the first inning (only to be no-hit for the rest of the game), general confusion in the field (Marlon Byrd missed his cutoff man from center no less than 4 times), and the lack of energy from the fielders made me ask a very simple question: “What the hell is wrong with the Cubs??”

Well, in just 20 short days after that painful day, I have the answer for you. It’s really quite simple… our starting pitching sucks. Amazing, right? I don’t need any advanced metrics or a Ph.D. to make you understand this; I will simply use one stat: quality starts.

John Lowe from the Detroit Free Press is given credit for inventing this stat, which is defined by 6 or more innings pitched while giving up 3 or fewer runs in that time.

While there are many stat-geeks who hate this stat, I think it’s pretty simple and extremely effective. A three run deficit (the absolute worst-case scenario in a QS) is not insurmountable. More than likely, you’re in the ballgame, and if your offense is average, you’re probably winning at this point (MLB average runs per game is 4.26). The point is, you’re in the ballgame.

Now, a quick caveat… the point of looking at quality starts is to say that if you are in the game after 6 innings, you have a chance to win. What happens if the starter only makes it 5+, but battles and only surrenders 3 runs? This is where I’m going to make up my own stat. It’s technically a near-quality start, but that doesn’t sound good, so I’m calling it a “McDonald’s Start” (because their stuff is near quality? It’s a stretch, I know, but go with it). I’m defining this stat as pitching into the 6th inning while giving up 3 or less earned runs. My philosophy: if you can get there, and let a bullpen guy save your butt, then we still have a chance to win.

So where do the Cubs fall? Well, after the July 30 massacre at Busch Stadium, Cubs starters had combined for 40 quality starts in their first 107 games, and added just 12 McDonald’s starts. What does that mean? It means the Cubs had about 52 realistic chances for wins in their first 107 games. Their record? 42-63.

So these stats are a pretty good indicator of your chances to win. When you factor in your bullpen throwing a couple of these games away, or not being able to hold runs in a McDonald’s start, or running into a pitcher who is just dealing, and I think we can account for the 10 game difference in the data.

Now, let’s look at these last 17 games. The stats: 12-5 overall, 9 quality starts, 5 McDonald’s starts, 7-2 in quality start games, 4-0 in McDonald’s starts games, 1 blown save. Those are pretty good stats for the Cubbies, who had a seven-game win streak and had won every series up until dropping 2 of 3 recently to the Astros (that sentence hurt to write).

So, Jake, what’s the point? I’m glad you asked. There is one start I want to look at in particular. August 12, 2011, Carlos Zambrano vs. the Atlanta Braves. His stat line: 4.1 IP, 8 ER, 1 retirement accusation. It is starts like this that absolutely kill your chances to win. I watched this game, and our fielders just looked like they wanted the game to be over. No one wanted to be there. Now, if Big Z had figured out how to keep that line to 5.0 IP, and only 3 ER, the entire demeanor would have changed, I’m convinced. This team WANTS to play hard. They just need a pitcher who will help them out a bit.

Look, I’m a Cubs fan, and thus an eternal optimist. But I really think this team isn’t that far off. But we MUST spend money on top pitching this winter. Matt Garza was a nice enough start, but I’m talking an all out ace. My pick? Mr. King Felix Hernandez. I’d much rather gamble on an ace than take on another Alfonso Soriano contract. Pitching doesn’t always win you ballgames, but it certainly keeps you from losing them.

So please, Tom Ricketts and Jim Hendry, do the right thing. Let’s go get some arms. I’d like to walk out of a visiting stadium to silence from the home patrons, not the jeers I got in July.

The Rock is excited to start this blog again

Well, that wasn’t quite as exciting as The Rock’s entrance into a WWE ring, but I’m excited nonetheless. Finally, after two long, boring years, we have decided to once again try to make this a fun, entertaining and frequently updated blog.  I’m sure all six of you readers are excited.

Before I get too far into this, I feel that I need to explain who I am, and what this place is. You see, I am a sports nut. I love all sports. Reds (the other sarcastic author of this blog) loves sports, too. However, we are continually are at each other’s throats because none of our favorite teams match up. I love the Cubs, Pacers, and Colts. He somehow has learned to root for the White Sox, Bulls, and Bears (sad, yes? I feel bad for him). Thus, we decided to start this sports blog, to write about all things sports, and occasionally poke fun at each other. Sounds pretty good, right? We think so, too.

So I hope you enjoy our site. I hope you find our posts interesting, occasionally humorous and possibly informative. Some days, this site is a place for us to really bring some important information to everyone’s attention. Other times, it’s just a bunch of hot air coming from two guys who probably care too much about sports and pretend to know way to much about them too.

All things are on the table here. I watch literally all sports (even gymnastics, if that even is a “sport,” which I’ll probably delve into at one point), so there could be a post about literally anything.

So, with that said, enjoy! You can even read our initial posts from two years ago if you want. Feel free to make fun of us in the comment section too. Now, time for the match… er… writing… to begin.

Welcome back NFL!!

weekends this fall. So needless to say: thank God they resolved this lockout! Of course there is no silver lining without any clouds, and while I am excited about the start of football, I am not excited about the start of this Packer dynasty. All-world quarterback, four quality receivers and a young, fast defense? Shoot me now. So without further Adu, let’s get this season under way:

NFC East:
1. Philadelphia Eagles (12-4): On one hand, the potential of this offense terrifies me. With Jackson, Maclin and McCoy burning up the field, the last thing a defense needs to worry about is a QB with 4.4 speed. So when you throw a rejuvenated Michael Vick into the mix, this has the potential to be the best offense we’ve seen since the 2007 Patriots. However, on the other hand, Vick has a somewhat fragile past (two games missed last  year due to a rib injury), and if Vince Young still isn’t good at football (he’s not) then this turns into a six win team.

2.*Dallas Cowboys (11-5): Last year seemed like a bit of an aberration to me. You had an incompetent coach, too many arrogant players and a season ending injury to their star quarterback. This team still has a ton of talent, and I’m excited to see how Jason Garrett does without the bumbling Mr. Phillips around anymore. We’ve seen how bad things can go when a Head Coach loses the respect of the locker room, and there’s no doubt in my mind that this happened to the ‘Boys last year. Whether a coaching change is enough to turn things around, I”m not sure; the one thing we do know, is that with Jerry Jones around, it won’t be dull in the big D.

3. New York Giants (8-8): What do you get when you combine an injury-prone defense, an aging offensive line and a twenty-five interception quarterback with an inferiority complex? you get one angry Tom Coughlin. This team might be very bad, but at the very least Coughlin might try to stab one a referee with the first down marker after Eli’s sixth pick in week one. Keep an eye on this situation; there will be fireworks.

4. Washington Redskins (3-13):Let’s see here…. we have an old coach who hasn’t caught up with the rest of

Yeah, I'm still bitter

the league, a team with no wide receivers outside of five foot nothing Santana Moss and a stacked division to play against. The only question that remains with this team is whether John Beck or Sexy Rexy will back up Andrew Luck at the start of next season for Jon Gruden’s 2012 Washington Redskins.

NFC North:

1. Green Bay Packers (14-2): I discussed this in the intro, but this team is stacked across the board and could legitimately make a run at an undefeated season. Just shoot me now.

2.Detroit Lions (8-8): This Lion’s defensive line terrifies me; especially when you factor in Ndamukong Suh’s insatiable blood lust. Calvin Johnson might be the best wide receiver in the league, and is someone who can take over any game at any point. His only real weakness is an inability to hold on to the ball

after he makes touchdown catches.If they can develop their young tight end and wide receivers, they could make some serious noise this year. However, Matt Stafford is still made of porcelain and the O-line is pretty beaten up right now. When you throw in the two guaranteed losses to Green Bay, eight wins sounds about right. With this young talent, I’m not excited about the next five years in the NFC North.

3. Chicago Bears (8-8): I’m a Bears fan, so it hurts to pick them for third, but I’m also not an idiot. This was the luckiest team in all of football last year. They had a total of one player go on Injured Reserve, and they played a host of back-up quarterbacks throughout the season. The dirty secret from last year’s division championship? They weren’t actually any good! And while the Lions and Packers both got better, I’m not sure what the Bears did to improve this team. Eight wins might actually be a bit of a stretch.

4.Minnesota Vikings (5-11): Adrian Peterson’s badassness (it’s a real word, deal with it.) is the only reason this team wins any games this year. They do have some excited young players in Kyle Rudolph and Percy Harvin, but this defense is getting old, and unless someone else steps up at the wide receiver spot, this could be another long season for Donovan McNabb. It will be interesting to see how long Leslie Frazier sticks with the status quo before Christian Ponder sees some serious playing time. Nobody other than the Pack is winning this division, so I say we see the change somewhere around week eight or so. Have fun picking yourself up off the turf Mr. Ponder.

NFC South
1. Atlanta Falcons (12-4): This was already a dangerous team, with an improving Matt Ryan and Michael Turner in the backfield, no team did a better job of establishing their offensive identity from week to week. The only thing they really needed was another game breaker to complement Roddy White. While I’m not normally a fan of mortgaging your future for one player, I think Julio Jones is the real deal and will make a big impact from day one. Also, let’s keep in mind that the last time we saw this team play, Aaron Rodgers was preening in the end zone on their home field. Ryan seems like the type to sit and watch those replays again and again and come back better than before. This could definitely be the year he makes “The Leap”.

I really hate this man....

2.*New Orleans Saints (11-5): This defense is a shell of what it was two years ago when they gave us this wonderful moment  and I think they will miss Reggie Bush a lot more than they think. Luckily for them they still have the most accurate quarterback in the league and a head coach who can get the most out of any offensive players he has. The other good news is that with Darren Sproles in this lineup, they finally have a running back who can actually stay healthy for more than three games a year.

3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-7): While I may not love Josh Freeman as much as Bill Simmons does, I still think he’s got the potential to be a top-five quarterback in this league for a long time to come. When you throw in my LeGarrette Blount man-crush, this team looks very tough out of the gate this year. Unfortunately for them, this defense still needs quite a bit of work, and I’m not completely sold on their wide receiver corps yet, but this is definitely a team on the rise. Cheer up Bucs fans, there are brighter days ahead.

4. Carolina Panthers (3-13): Yes, Jonathon Stewart and DeAngelo Williams can move the chains as well as anyone (not worth thirty million guaranteed, but still good), but who exactly is Cam Newton going to overthrow? It really sucks to be him this year; not only did he take a paycut to come to this team, but he doesn’t even get to throw to a good Steve Smith anymore. On another note, who would have thought we would ever have a league where Danny Woodhead is a better fantasy option than Steve Smith? What is this world coming to?

NFC West

1. Arizona Cardinals (9-7): Kevin Kolb may not be the next Joe Montana the way Arizona fans think he is, but he’s a heck of a lot better than John Skelton and Max hall. And let’s not forget, Larry Fitzgerald’s still a beast. Plus, I won’t be drafting Beanie Wells this year, so he’s bound to have a break out year.

the real Beast Mode

2. Saint Louis Rams (8-8):  Everyone in the sports world is ready to hand this division to the Rams, but i’m not sold just yet. They still don’t have enough quality pieces on defense, and I need to see a lot more from this group of wide receivers before I’m completely convinced that this is anything other than the Steven Jackson show. Sam Bradford may evolve into a top-five quarterback at some point, but as of right now, he’s no better than Mark Sanchez or Matt Stafford.

3. San Francisco 49ers (6-10): Alex Smith is terrible. There’s no clever way to say it, he’s just an awful football player. Every day, I wish that the Niners would have taken Aaron Rodgers first overall instead of Smith. But no, they’re stuff in NFL hell and the Packers are on the verge of a dynasty. If the roles were reversed the Packers would be stringing together five win seasons and the 49ers would be winning their fourth straight NFC West. Either way, Frank Gore and Vernon Davis may both be studs, but the rest of the team is awful. However, they’re still better than:

Seattle Seahawks (3-13):   Let’s do a rundown of the key figures for the Seahawks this year: They have a quarterback and wide receiver that weren’t good enough for the Vikings to resign, their starting running back wasn’t good enough for the Bills, and their Head Coach bombed so miserably his first time around that he had to relocate to USC where he could buy his way into victories. That’s what you call an embarrassment of riches. Or just an embarrassment.

AFC East
1. New England Patriots (14-2): I’ll come right out and say it: I don’t know what Bill Belichick is up to, but whatever it is, it can’t be good for the rest of the league. I know that OchoCinco and

5'2" and a legitimate fantasy option

Haynesworth haven’t produced in the last couple of years, but anytime you can bring in All-Pro level talent at a discounted price, you have to do it. We’ve seen this before (Moss, Dillon, Seau, Harrison), so it doesn’t surprise me that the Pats are going in this direction. I am probably in the minority, but I believe Ocho is going to click with Tom Brady and strengthen what was already the best offense in football. On defense, they’re still young, which means Brady and company will still have to put up points, but they’ve never had a problem with that in the past.

2. New York Jets (10-6): We come now to the most overrated team in all of football. Somehow in the last two years, Rex Ryan and Bart Scott have talked enough about how good the Jets are that we’ve completely overlooked how streaky and lucky they’ve been. They have a below average quarterback, a thin receiving corps and an inconsistent running game based on one back who fumbles too much (Greene) and one who’s over the hill (Tomlinson). I know the defense is good, but we might need to tone down the Jetlove until they win something.

3. Buffalo Bills (5-11): I like the direction the Bills are going. They’ve done a good job of cutting the bad apples and wasted talent (Marshawn Lynch and Aaron Maybin respectively) from this team over the last few years, and finally seemed to add some good young pieces to the mix. With that said, Ryan Fitzpatrick is not the answer at quarterback, even if he did have a higher SAT score than me. And at least we finally got an answer to why the Bills drop so many passes.

4. Miami Dolphins (3-13): We have yet another entrant into the Andrew Luck sweepstakes. Unless the ‘Fins make a trade for Kyle Orton in the next three weeks, the fans down in South Beach will have a long season coming up. After choosing to not to resign their two leading rushers they have no running game to speak of and it will be interesting to see how long it is before Brandon Marshall finally snaps and kills someone after being triple covered every game. Even with Orton, this is a six win team, with Henne or Moore back there? this could get ugly in a hurry.

AFC North
1.Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4): With any other team, I’d be worried about all of the offseason issues. But this is the same team that has dealt with, in no particular order: rape accusations, coaching changes, running back injuries, DWI’s and mouthy linebackers. I think a bigger concern will be whether or not Rashard Mendenhall can give them sixteen healthy games this season and they can find a complementary piece to go with Mike Wallace. Hines Ward may be a better dancer than a receiver at this point in his career, so they need to start moving in a new direction. With all that said, this defense is still as nasty as any out there and can pick up any necessary slack.

2.*Baltimore Ravens (11-5): Every year for the last five years was supposed to be the last productive year for Ray Lewis. At this point I treat him like the Atlanta Braves from the 1990‘s: I’m going to pick him to succeed until he proves me wrong, not the other way around. While he’s shown some signs of slowing down, he makes up for it with his superior intelligence and experience. As Lewis goes, so go the Ravens, so I plan on that defense carrying the team until Flacco is playing up to his high potential.

3.Cleveland Browns (6-10):I can’t think of any better example of subtle racism in this country than Peyton Hillis beating out several other candidates for the Madden ‘12 cover this year. It’s been so long since we’ve had a starting white running back, we all decided to put an above average back on the cover of a game rather than the most electric player in the league. I’m in full support of the whitewash that is the Brown’s backfield, but it doesn’t mean he’s the most deserving. Either way, he’s a solid runner, and Colt McCoy looks like he’s going to be a stud someday.This team will be competitive, but they don’t have enough pieces to win just yet.

Finally... someone whiter than me!!

4.Cincinnati Bengals (3-13): It’s impossible for me to understand the thought processes of Mike Brown when it comes to running this franchise. Three years ago, the Redskin’s Dan Snyder offered two first round draft picks for Chad Johnson, both of which turned out to be top ten picks. Rather than unloading an aging headache onto a new team, Brown decided to hold tight with his crappy aging wide receiving corps. Now three years later, all he got was a late round pick and some cash to take Ochocinco off his hands. When you throw in his refusal to trade Carson Palmer out of some stubborn pride, I don’t blame Bengals’ fans for being fed up with this leadership. Andy Dalton could be the best quarterback in the league, and this team still won’t succeed until there is some change at the top. That’s even if he can survive hits like this.

AFC South
1. Houston Texans (11-5): I’m still not convinced that Peyton Manning will be completely healthy for this season, and all reports out of Indy suggest that the Colts will be more than happy to let him rest up until the last possible moment. We’ve seen a rusty Peyton Manning before, and that led to a bad start for them. The competition in the South isn’t weak enough for the Colts to get away with that this year. I like the Texans’ balance on offense, and Andre Johnson remains completely terrifying. The real question is how long it takes the defense to come together as a unit. This team will go as the secondary goes, and I think the improvements they’ve made will be enough to make the jump from a frustrating team to a contender.

2.*Indianapolis Colts (10-6): Even with a slow start, a hurt Peyton Manning (reports say he can barely turn his head from side to side), injury and drop prone wide receivers and no running game to speak of, this remains one of the tougher teams in the league for no other reason than number eighteen at the quarterback.  The defense has several departures, but the new additions all have something to prove and should add depth to the thinner positions on this side of the ball. With Robert Mathis in a contract year and Dwight Freeney being Dwight Freeney, the defensive line could make life miserable for opponents this year. If the special teams can even improve to the point of being average, then this team could still make some noise.

3. Jacksonville Jaguars (8-8): A big part of this depends on the health of Maurice Jones Drew and David Garrard. If both of them can stay healthy, this offense has the ability to move the ball steadily down the field. With both tight ends capable of catching fifty plus passes, they are going to have to rely on ball control and preventing turnovers, both of which are Garrard’s specialty. If Jack Del Rio has his way, Blaine Gabbert won’t see the field except in garbage time this season.

4. Tennessee Titans (5-11): Even if Chris Johnson comes back from his holdout on time (which doesn’t seem likely) this is a team that starts Kenny Britt and Nate Washington and wide receiver. Not exactly Jerry Rice in his prime on the outside, and it’s not like Matt Hasselbeck’s been throwing darts the last couple of years. This team wasn’t any good last year, and with the changes made so far this year I don’t see any reason that will change this year.

AFC West
1. San Diego Chargers (12-4): This is finally going to be the year that San Diego starts off something other than 0-5. With everyone on the team coming into camp on time, a star in the making in Philip Rivers and no running back injuries this year, the offense which led the league in yardage last year will be even better this year. If the defense can actually force some turnovers this year, this is finally a team that can contend for a Super Bowl coming out of the AFC.

2.*Kansas City Chiefs (10-6): I grew up as a football fan believing in the theory that running the ball, playing solid defense and having an insanely loud home crowd led to winning on a consistent basis. Over the last few years as the league turned into a glorified 7-on-7 drill in which you weren’t allowed to look wrong at an offensive player, I questioned this theory. Last year’s Chiefs team showed that with the right system and one star wide receiver you can still win in today’s NFL. I see no reason that in a watered down (read:pathetic) AFC West that this formula can’t work a second time. The Chiefs will again be a team that impresses everyone throughout the season and gets blown out by a legitimate team in the first round of the playoffs.

3. Oakland Raiders (8-8): You know you’ve gotten to a dark point as a franchise when eight wins is considered a successful campaign. Regardless of final record, it was still impressive for this team to go 6-0 in the division and still miss the playoffs. That won’t happen again this year. Darren McFadden has yet to go two consecutive seasons without a season threatening injury since his high school days. For some reason there are plenty of people buying the Raiders this year, but they will be exactly what they were last year: a somewhat dangerous team without the requisite skill players to seriously contend.

4. Denver Broncos (6-10):The whole situation in Denver is absolutely screwed up. Poor Tim Tebow has done nothing but put out supreme effort, and because all of America loves him beyond what they should, he gets thrown under the bus by the media and his teammates. Thank  God John Fox is in control instead of Josh McDaniels or else things would have really gone to hell. As it is, I see no reason to believe that Denver will be anything other than a disappointment

to the fans in Colorado. Even in an abysmal AFC West, they’ll be lucky to sniff six wins this season.

Even with all my research and planning for these picks, everyone knows that some major injury or loss of ability will happen and throw everything into disarray. The beautiful thing about the NFL is that the only consistency we have is the lack of consistency. Thank God the lockout is over.

Super Bowl Pick
Packers over Patriots. I hate my life.

personally don’t see any reason to have the Super Bowl anywhere other than Florida. It’s warm, there are hot girls

everywhere, and have I mentioned that it’s warm? Listen, I love Indiana as much as anyone, but is it really the place

you wanna go in the middle of February? Me neither. With that said, I wish I was in Miami, but since I”m not, I’ll talk

about people who are. 

I am living in my own personal hell. I know, that sounds melodramatic, but for a Bears fan who hates the Colts

more than any team in all of sports, and is annoyed by bandwagon jumping fans of any team, Indiana is not the place

to be  right now. The only thing worse than the foot of snow outside is having to listen to fans have legitimate

This guy thinks Peyton's better than Brady too.

conversations in which they list Peyton Manning as not only the greatest quarterback of all time, but possibly the

greatest player of all time. Obviously, I have a lot of problems with those statements. When you talk about the

greatest players of all time, the list starts with Jerry Rice or Jim Brown and goes on from there: Peyton

Manning

doesn’t even enter in to the discussion. The one discussion he does enter into is the greatest quarterback of all

time debate, so without further Adu, my top-5 quarterbacks of all time:

1. Joe Montana: San Fransisco 49ers/Kansas City Chiefs (1979-1995):
No, Montana doesn’t have the stats that some of the other top QB’s have, but as we all know, stats don’t tell the

whole story (see Marino, Dan; Smith, Emmitt). Like in other sports, When you put up the numbers you do is just

Yeah.... He did that a lot..

as

important as the numbers themselves. We respect pitchers from the 1990′s a little bit more than other eras, and we

value NBA stats from the last 10 years a whole lot less than we do those from the late 80′s and early 90′s. With

that said, the 1980′s was the most competitive decade in the history of the NFL. Gone were the plodding wide

receivers and slow linebackers. In were the fast, big linebackers and the athletic wide receivers. What caused this

switch? It could be several things, but it really comes down to one thing… um… how do I say this…. less white guys.

This is a very good thing! The influx of athletes led to a physical, intense brand of football

that hadn’t been played before.

So, what do we know so far. Okay, Joe Montana played in the toughest era in football, was the unquestioned best

player in the league, won 4 Super Bowls, won 2 MVP awards, and singlehandedly killed the Bengals, Bears, and Browns

franchises. Oh yeah, he also had 31 come from behind wins and is known as the single most clutch player outside of

Michael Jordan in all of sports.
Career Stats: 40,000+ yards, 273 TD’s, 92.3 career quarterback rating, 4 Super Bowl rings.

2. Johnny Unitas: Indianapoli…er….Baltimore Colts/San Diego Chargers (1956-1973):

This is another guy whose stats really don’t do him justice. Yeah, the 10 pro-bowl appearances, 47 game TD streak,

3 MVP awards, 118 career wins (6th all time) and multiple All-Decade team honors all look good, but Unitas’ legacy

often gets tainted because of his 250 interceptions and his low passer rating, but similarly to how Peyton

Manning’s numbers get inflated because of new rules allowing no contact on defense, Unitas’ numbers were knocked

down by a league that didn’t call pass interference or defensive penalties on passing plays. If we put him in a

modern league with the new rules, we’re talking 350 touchdowns easy, with the same number of INT’s. Like Montana,

Unitas was the unquestioned best quarterback for his era, and also, like Montana, he was a winner (6-2 career

playoff record). Only Joe Namath and Vince Lombardi kept him from winning at least 4 Super Bowls.
Career Stats: 40,000+ yards, 290 TD’s, 10 Pro-Bowls, 5 All-Pro Teams, Top-10 in all major passing categories every

year of his career.

3. Brett Favre: Atlanta Falcons/Green Bay Packers/New York Jets/Minnesota Vikings/ ?  (1992-Present):
I have to be honest with you, this isn’t easy for me to say, but I’m gonna try. I hate Brett Favre. I know, it’s a

shock to everyone, but I just can’t help it. As a lifelong Bears fan, I grew up hating him more than anyone outside

of Roger Clemens and Satan. The last 5 years did nothing to curb my hatred, as I felt he was past his prime, phony,

and a little bit of an attention whore. However, d-bag that he is, he is one of the best players in the history of

the NFL, and even I can’t deny that. Damn it all.

He is the career leader in every major passing category (including interceptions), the only player to win 3

straight MVP awards, 11 time pro-bowler, and 6 time All-Pro team. Wow. He literally re-wrote the record book, and

that’s not even the most incredibly thing about him. Since 1992, Favre has not missed a start, and has failed to

finish only 6 games. In 2009, he broke Jim Marshall’s record for consecutive starts at any position. During that

stretch of time, there have been 212 different starting quarterbacks in the league (212?!??!)  12 of whom were his backup

at

one point. Over 18 years, nothing kept him out of the game, not the death of his father, or his wife’s cancer, or

even retirement (sorry, had to take that cheap shot), and as much as I dislike the man, his performance against the

Raiders the week after  his father’s death is one of the greatest performances of all time. The only thing keeping

him from the top spot is his shoddy playoff record and lack of multiple championships. Oh yeah, and he played for

the Packers.
Career Stats: 69,000+ yards, 497 TD’s, 3 MVP awards, 11 Pro-Bowl selections.

4. Tom Brady: New England Patriots (2000-Present):
Now it’s time for my favorite part of the article: I get to piss off all of the Colts fans by putting Tom Brady

ahead of Peyton Manning on this list. I can almost hear them now: but Manning has better career numbers, the Colts

have the most wins this decade, bitch bitch bitch, moan moan moan. At the end of the day, what matters most on this

list is one thing: winning; and Tom Brady has done that better than anyone outside of Joe Montana. His career

record is 111-34, which includes a 14-4 playoff record. He holds every major playoffs passing record, and he’s

Ladies and Gentleman: Mrs. Tom Brady.

managed to do everything on a team that up until 2007 had a total of zero elite receivers. While Peyton Manning was

throwing passes to Reggie Wayne and Marvin Harrison, Brady was dumping it off to Kevin Faulk, David Givens and

Deion Branch. This is like the Barry Sanders/Emmitt Smith debate all over again. Manning may have the better

numbers, but nobody did more with less than Brady and the Patriots did. Oh yeah, they also won 3 Super Bowl titles

in 4 years. One word: Dynasty.
Career Stats: 21 4th quarter comebacks, 29 game winning drives, 2-time Super Bowl MVP, 30,000+ yards, 225 TD’s,

99.3 career passer rating, most hot supermodels in a 2 year stretch (4).

5. Peyton Manning: Indianapolis Colts (1998-present):
It’s really hard for me to write any of this in an unbiased fashion, but I’m gonna make an effort. It’s hard to

believe that one upon a time it was a tough decision between Peyton Manning and Ryan Leaf. Colts fans, you may now

take a deep deep sigh of relief. When it comes to sheer numbers, Peyton Manning is the greatest player on this

Colts fans, you may now breathe again

list, and by the time his career is done, he probably will top most all-time lists. However, for the majority of

his career, Manning  made quick work of his opponents during the regular season, only to falter in the playoffs

every year. This all changed in 2006 when the Colts made the biggest comeback in ACF Championship history and

advanced to the Super Bowl for the first time in Indianapolis franchise history. Once there, Dominic Rhodes and the

defense carried the Colts to the win over my beloved Bears with a little help from Rex Grossman, and ever since

then, Manning has become the most clutch player in all of sports. Damn. The only thing keeping him from being

higher up on this list is a lack of Super Bowl rings, which he could remedy in about 30 hours. What’s that you say?

Manning and Favre are practically the same player? That’s right, you figured it out. Manning is the evolutionary

Brett Favre, and there’s nothing wrong with that; unless you’re competing with the evolutionary Joe Montana (Brady)
Career Stats: 50,000+ yards, 366 TD’s, 4 MVP awards, 9 Pro-Bowls, 5 1st team All-Pro, 95.2 career passer rating.

Now, this entire list could get thrown off if the Colts win against the Saints tomorrow night, but that’s not gonna

happen. You can read Zach’s blog for a full breakdown of the matchup, but for the sake of time, I’ll just give a

short rundown, Dr. Zach style:

Coaches:
Jim Caldwell v. Raccoon City & Sean Payton: That’s right, Jim Caldwell is a zombie. I’ve only seen him smile twice,

and he’s more uncomfortable in his interviews than anyone since Leon Spinks. With that said, he’s done a great job

Run Jim, Run!!

of keeping this team focused in a season full of injuries and distracting subplots. However, Payton is one of the

best motivators in all of sports, and is an offensive genius of the highest degree. So while Caldwell could spread

the T-virus throughout the city, I trust Payton more when it comes to coaching. Plus, he played quarterback for Da

Bears during the strike of 1987.
Edge: Saints

Quarterbacks:
Manning v. Brees: This matchup is a whole lot closer than people would think at first glance. Yes, Peyton is one of

the greatest of all time, but nobody does a better job of putting the ball in the perfect spot to the right

receiver on a consistent basis than Brees. Watching him run an offense reminds me of Magic Johnson running the

Lakers: pinpoint accuracy and brilliant decisions every time. With that said, there’s a full 200 words right above

this that say Manning is the better choice. For now.
Slight Edge: Colts

Running Game:
Thomas/Bush v. Addai/Brown: One of the underrated mistakes made by the Colts that no one talks about is their draft

history with running backs as of late. First, they took Joseph Addai over Maurice Jones-Drew in 2006, and this time

they took Donald Brown over Shonn Greene. Can you imagine the Colts offense the last 3 years with Jones-Drew

involved? Holy hell, that would have been terrifying. Also, do you think the offense would have been ranked 32nd in

rushing with Shonn Greene in the backfield? No! As good as Bill Pollian is, there’s no question in my mind that he

is also the luckiest person in the league when it comes to the draft. With that said, Pierre Thomas might actually

be good, and Reggie Bush has the potential to change the game more than anyone on the field. I see Bush breaking at

least one big play, and there’s no way to quanitfy the impact he makes on the passing game.
Major Edge: Saints

Passing Game:
Garcon/Wayne/Collie/Clark v Henderson/Colston/Meachem/Shockey: This is the closest matchup on the board. The Saints

wideouts are more N’ Sync with Brees than anyone in the league, but Garcon and Collie have been playing out of

their minds of late, and Dallas Clark is the best tight end in football, hands down. Also, it’s really hard to

quantify the Haitian Factor in this game. Pierre Garcon makes it almost plausible to root for the Colts every once

in a while, because you can’t cheer agains Haiti.
Slight Edge: Colts

No one suspects the Haitian Inquisition!

Defense:
While the Colts defense was ranked higher than the Saint’s, numbers don’t tell the whole story. Like I said last

week, the Saints were second in the league when it came to forcing turnovers, and got to the quarterback much

better than they were given credit for. However, the Colts do have a top-10 defense with one of the most solid

front seven’s in the league. If Freeney can be at all effective, this defense could get pressure on Brees and

change the game.
Slight Edge: Colts

After all of the comparisons, this entire game comes down to the play of the lines. Whichever team’s defensive line

can make the biggest impact will win this game, and I like the saints offensive line better when it comes to

controlling the opponents, so I agree with Zach, Tony Dungy will be wrong:
Saints 37 Colts 35.

Coming Soon: Greatest WR of all time and some interesting NFL related products I’d like to see.

Hello everyone, I was asked by my good friend Luke R. Purgatory…I mean Haglund to give you the top seven RBs of all time, as well as my pick for the superbowl. First a couple of things I want to share. Please allow myself to introduce…myself; I am the incomparable Zachery Alan Shockey the first. I would also like to take this time to inform you that I am not a colts fan by any means and probably, no no, I will definitely be bashing them in this post. WHO DAT!!!

…On to the RBs

I may be biased, but this is my favorite pick

7. O.J. Simpson

6. Earl Campbell

5. Emmitt Smith

4. Eric Dickerson

3. Walter Payton

2. Barry Sanders

1. Jim Brown

My top three were the easiest to choose on this one. Say what you will about LT, AP, and any other idiot in the NFL that wants to refer to himself by his initials, without players like Jim Brown, Barry Sanders, and Sweetness himself they wouldn’t have careers. Let’s start with Sweetness, even as a Packers fan I must admit a classier guy there is none. From the superbowl shuffle to over 16,000 yds rushing,  Payton was definitely one of the best.

Barry Sanders: what can I say about this man? I have never seen anyone do more with less. Some may say well why would you put Jim Brown at the top? If you’re seriously asking me this I want you to do something. I would like you to punch yourself in head as hard as possible, if you need some help let me know, and if you’re asking who is Jim Brown then please just stop reading now. The man was a stud, never has then been a more punishing back. The man was so good that DTs were afraid to tackle him. Players knew that if they had to tackle Brown they better take out his legs or in the words of Jack Parkman “you’re standing on the tracks and the train’s coming through.” Usually when I give this list to people, they ask how Smith can’t be number one. They’ll say things like “he’s the all time leading rusher,” sorry folks I could have driven a semi through the holes that man had.

Even at 74, I wouldn't mess with this guy

…Is a WHO DAT BAT in the hand worth a Lombardi in the Bayou?

Well now that I’ve explained some of my reasons for my picks it’s on to my superbowl pick. First let’s  analyze the teams.

Colts   (14-2)

Coach: Jim Caldwell

Key Players: Manning, Clark, Freeney

Home Record : (7-1)

Road Record: (7-1)

X-Factor: Austin Collie

Offense

PPG: 26.0(7th)

Total Yards: 363.1(9th)

Passing Yards: 282.2(2nd)

Rushing Yards: 80.9(32nd)

My Favorite Mormon

Defense
PTS. Allowed: 19.2(8th)

Yards Allowed: 339.2(18th)

Passing Yards: 212.7(14th)

Rushing Yards: 126.5(24th)

Saints (13-3)

Coach: Sean Payton

Key Players: Brees, Shockey, Sharper

Home Record: (6-2)

Road Record (7-1)

X-Factor: Reggie Bush

Offense

PPG: 31.9 (1st)

Total Offense: 403.8 (1st)

Passing Yards: 272.2 (4th)

My pick for Super Bowl MVP

Rushing Yards: 131.6 (6th)

Defense

Points Allowed: 21.3 (2oth)

Yards Allowed: 357.8 (28th)

Passing Yards: 235.6 (26th)

Rushing Yards: 122.2 (21st)

As I sit here and watch Daniel Tosh try to return a kick against a women’s professional football team, and eventually watch him get laid out by Bill Romanowski I can’t help but hope that this will be a good game. You can see the numbers in front of you, clearly the Saints have the better offense and the Colts seemingly have the better defense, though neither is really all that great. The teams seem to be closely matched; the numbers suggest it should be a good game. Before I get to my actual prediction I want to stress how much I want a competitive game. Thus far throughout the playoffs we have had two good games (Cards v. Packers, and Saints v. Vikes). Well if these playoffs are any indication this game probably won’t be close either. I predict that I will be playing cards a quarter of the way into the second half. That being said the numbers are there in front of you. I want to say this, throughout the season the Saints have been the best team in football, sorry Colts fans. I know it’s seemingly difficult for Indy fans to actually look at their team objectively, but take solace that you had the second best team this year. Clearly both teams can score we know that, and both defenses have the reputations of being able to bend and not break. I think this game is going to come down to two things, QB pressure and time of possession.

Getting to either of these QBs is going to be difficult. Brees has only been sacked once in these playoffs, and Manning only four times. We know that because of his o-line and quick release Manning is a tough cat to get to. We also know because of his mobility and vision that Brees is equally as difficult to put on the turf. I think the key to this is going to be Dwight Freeney. As we have all heard for the past two weeks Freeney has an injured ankle. A lot of the Colts pressure will depend on whether or not that man will play. Judging by what I have heard recently it looks like he’s going to give it a go. I have to ask, even if he does play, how much of an impact will he be able to make? I must say though if he ends up not playing that is a definite advantage for the Saints. I want to make sure that people know that these offenses will score points and lots of them. So when your team can’t stop the other offense don’t worry because chances are their D won’t be able to stop you either. Now I have heard that Sean Payton is quite the motivator, are you really surprised? I mean this is the same man that put on a hoodie with cutoff sleeves, and told the Saints why they wouldn’t beat the Pats. He also gave each member of the team a baseball bat. Payton is a great coach, as far as Caldwell…I’m not sure. What I am saying is that a retarded dolphin could coach a team with Manning at QB.

Does Peyton Manning speak dolphin???

When everything is said and done at the end of this game, I honestly think this is going to come down to time of possession, due to absolutely no running game to speak of and a shaky run defense I have to give the advantage to the Saints. I must say it finally looks like Reggie Bush is finally playing up to his potential. You know come to think of it Lamar Odom is finally playing to his potential as well…hmm I wonder what the link between them could be? Too bad Hank Baskett didn’t figure out the Kardashian secret, (by the way great pick up Indy). As big and as key as Manning and Brees are I think that ultimately this game will come down to defense and the running games. Who can control the ball and which D will get a key stop? My prediction 48-41 Saints. That’s right the Lombardi trophy will be headed to the bayou. Looks like Coach Dungy will be wrong about this one not being close and being dominated by the Colts. Way to be an impartial game commentator. Way to be a tool Nosferatu, and congratulations on being the most socially awkward man on TV. Please stop staring at the camera without blinking…seriously it’s freaking me out.

Coming soon: Luke’s picks and top QB’s.

Now right now you’re probably asking yourself “why the hell is he telling me this crap? I don’t care!” I say these things to express how desperately I needed the NFL playoffs to be entertaining. With my teams floundering and no Bears in the playoffs, I needed exciting games with evenly matched teams and dramatic finishes, and with the exception of the Cardinals-Packers shootout, these playoffs have sucked. Period. No drama, no good games, no Colts losses. Nothing.

With all that said, I haven’t given up hope yet. The Vikings and Saints are both incredibly good teams who should match up well and provide an entertaining game,  the Colts want to prove that it wasn’t idiotic to take their starters out (it was) and the Jets want to prove that they belong in the AFC Championship game (they do). So in theory, yeah, it should be a pretty good weekend, but if this winter has taught me anything, it’s this: sports suck when it’s not baseball season, and even if he should finish third, Peyton Manning will still win the MVP award.

The Real MVP: Drew Brees

New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts (3 P.M. Sunday) : The Colts are heavily favored in this matchup, and for good reason. They were far and away the second best team (sorry Colts fans, the Saints were a better team) in the league for the first thirteen weeks of the season, and have somehow managed to maintain offensive stability despite having the weakest running game of any contenders.(32nd in the league for the regular season)  Seriously, you’re expecting me to believe that Donald Brown and Joseph Addai are going to establish a running game? Not gonna happen in this lifetime. And that poses a problem for the boys in blue. If you look at the recent Super Bowl champs (Steelers, Giants, Colts) you’ll see that all three had an outstanding running game during their run to and through the playoffs. Hell, Dominic Rhodes was the real MVP of Super Bowl XLI. If it wasn’t for him establishing the running game against an excellent Bears defense, the Colts never would have overcome Peyton Mannings sub-par game. I know, it’s shocking, but the Colts won the Super Bowl because of the running game and their defense, look it up. With that said, I am amazed that the Colts can be this successful with no

Have there ever been two more different men?

running game, and a head coach who, by all accounts, could be a zombie. The thing that keeps them going is having a solid, tenacious, defense and one of the top 10 quarterbacks and leaders of all time playing for them. I’ll be honest, I hate Peyton Manning. He annoys me. Him and his little bitch of a brother. But I have to admit one thing: the man can play some football. Sure, he shouldn’t have been MVP this year, and he’s always had great receivers and an outstanding line, but even this year, with his line aging and his receivers going down faster than Secretariat on the home stretch, he put together an All-Pro caliber season. Simply Amazing.

With all that said, I like the Jets. They do the two things that the majority of successful teams have to do to win ballgames. They run the ball and play defense better than anyone in the league. They do a better job than anyone in the league of winning games that they have no business winning. It actually reminds me of a Bobby Knight Hoosiers team in a down season. They consistently have subpar talent, but they’re wonderfully coached and they stick with their game plan no matter who they’re matched up against. If you can play hard, and play defense
in any sport, you’re always going to have a chance to win. It also can’t hurt to have a brash and arrogant guy as your head coach. The entire world spends their time talking about Rex Ryan and the outrageous thing he said this week, and it frees the players up to concentrate on their jobs and win football games.  Also, if you had to choose between hanging out with Mark Sanchez and hanging out with Peyton Manning, which one would you pick? Yeah, I thought so. It’s completely irrelevant information, but I have a personal rule that requires me to take every cheap shot at Peyton Manning that I can. Sorry.

So this week, the combination of a running game, defense, and intangibles pushes the Jets past the Colts in a tight game.
My Pick: Jets 24- Colts 22.

Minnesota Vikings at New Orleans Saints (6:30, Sunday): I absolutely love this matchup, but at the same time I’m terrified that it’s going to turn into a blowout one way or the other. Both teams are coming into this weekend off of terrific performances against quality teams, which lends itself to a competitive afternoon. I know the Saints are good because they have the real MVP in Drew Brees and the best offensive coach in football, but what made them a great team this year was the defense’s jump from terrible to respectable. That’s all it took. The Saints did in football what the Phoenix Suns could never do in the NBA: they adapted their game just enough to be effective, and it’s done wonders for their team. While the Saints do give up a lot of yardage, they were second in the entire league in takeaways with thirty nine and led the league with 8 defensive touchdowns. Wow. That means the Saints averaged 2 extra possessions a game on turnovers alone this year, and their defense was spotting them almost 4 points a game. This is a dangerous defense, just ask Kurt Warner.

Add into the mix the best offense in the game, and you’ve got a dangerous team. They can throw four talented receivers at the defense, as well as more complex formations than any team in the league. In all my years of watching sports, I’ve only seen receivers this in sync with their quarterback two times; Peyton Manning in 2004, and Rex Grossman in 2007

Yeah, I'm not bitter or anything.

with opposing defenses. When this offense is clicking it’s something to see. Brees consistently puts the ball in the perfect spot for his receivers to make plays, and he makes less stupid throws than anyone in the game. The only thing that ever holds them back is an inconsistent running game, and  if Reggie Bush can play half as well as he did against the Cardinals, then they become nearly unstoppable on offense.

However, the Vikings aren’t exactly cupcakes themselves. They trot out the second highest scoring offense in the league, along with one of the top five running backs in the league, and when you throw in a “rejuvenated” Brett Favre, they have  the second best offense in the league. When they dedicate themselves to the run game, it can get downright ugly for opposing defenses. Peterson runs harder than anyone in the league (which may also cause his large number of fumbles), and they finish drives as well as anyone around. I keep waiting for Favre to revert back to his style of the last few years, but part of me is afraid that it’s not going to happen. If his receivers continue to play out of their minds, then there’s no team out there with the defense to stop them.

However, the key to winning this game for the Vikes is their defense.  Which defense will show up? The one that dominated opposing teams for the majority of the season, or the one that gave up 36 points to the Chicago Bears!??  They’ve had some injury problems in the secondary, and teams have started to find ways to exploit that, which puts a lot of pressure on the front 7, and as good as they are, no team can consistently stop an opposing offense without a quality secondary. So let’s take a look at this one: banged up secondary with a lack of talent versus the most explosive passing game in the league…. that could get ugly.

In the end, this game is going to come down to which team’s offensive and defensive lines can control the flow of the action. If the Saints can hold off Jared Allen and the Williams boys, they can go up and down the

I wonder if maybe he faked it a little bit.....

field on the Vikings, but if the Vikings can consistently get pressure, it will force Sean Payton to adapt his gameplan, which has gotten them into trouble this year. I look for both teams to come out throwing in a tight game. A tight game, that is, until Brett Favre throws a critical pick-six in the fourth quarter costing his team a trip to the Super Bowl. RIP Brett….
Saints 38, Vikings 27

So this weekend, when the Jets shock the world and the Saints put away the Vikings, sit back, relax, and enjoy the final evidence that no, you should never rest your starters.

That’s all you really need to know. Specifically, the Colts did the right thing in not worrying about winning games 15 and 16, going for a perfect regular season, and saying, ‘eff-you’ to every team out there. And there’s really only reason to say that they did the right thing.

You can try to convince me all day that the “integrity of the game” was comprimised by the Colts laying down to the now-sixth-seed Jets and the hapless Bills, but I wouldn’t believe you. It’s a basic understanding in the NFL that teams take weeks off when they’ve earned the right to (see the Cardinals, Eagles, and Chargers from last week). Ultimately, it’s a right that you earn by dominating from Week 1 to week 14.

And you could try to argue that in the past, the Colts have developed rust, because they are a rhythm offense. But look at the final drive for the first team in each game:

vs. NYJ:  9 play, 81 yard touchdown drive.

@ BUF: 12 play, 72 yard touchdown drive.

Just like in practice, they went in, got some work done, felt the speed, and got out. So don’t tell me they didn’t get anything positive done. It’s not like the Bills defense is exactly postseason-like.

But if you’re looking for the real reason that the Colts did the right thing, all you have to do is take a look down into the depths of hell… er- make that New England. You saw what happened. Wes Welker blew his knee to bits- on a non-contact play! Seriously, he didn’t even get touched when his season ended. Can you imagine what would have happened if Dallas Clark injured his knee during the third quarter of the Jets game? Or if Reggie Wayne separated his shoulder in the snow in Buffalo? The entire city if Indianapolis would have spontaneously combusted.

The reality is that we, the Indianapolis Colts, are extremely thin in the skill position area. We just don’t run out 5 different receivers for a certain number of plays each game. Our offense is about continuity, abut reading the same thing in the defense. You can’t get the efficiency that our offense requires by playing multiple sets of different guys, like the Patriots or the Saints. We need Wayne, Clark, Garcon, and Collie out there on every down. Period.

Same goes for the defense. We are physically incapable of replacing the value of Robert Mathis and Dwight Freeney (don’t believe me, ask the Bills, who looked like the freaking 2000 Rams on Sunday). So their health is significantly more important than the Defensive Linemen from, say, the Ravens.

So I continue to applaud Jim Caldwell for taking the guys out when he did. In both games. No one will remember that we tanked two games if we win the Super Bowl in a month. All they will remember is that Peyton Manning solidified himself as the Batman of modern-day NFL quarterbacks to Tom Brady’s Robin. Simply the best.

And you know what? The best doesn’t need 48 minutes to make his presence felt. He just needs to be healthy.