Week 8 NFL Picks

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Due to the startup date of this site, it’s been impossible to get NFL picks up until this point in time, which means that at this point of the season, I am  still undefeated with my picks. Because of that convenient fact,  I’ve been putting off writing this for as long as I can: I didn’t want to ruin something so wonderful.  With my World Series picks going down the crapper, I needed something to hold on to, but I couldn’t put it off forever… damn.

Week 8 NFL picks:

Ravens (-3.5) over Broncos:

it’s taken eight long weeks, but the Broncos are finally going to come back down to earth this week against a Ravens team that is better than they seem. Plus, have we forgotten just how bad Kyle Orton is???? I know he’s had a decent run to start the season, but as a Bears fan, trust me, he sucks.

Texans (-3.5) over Bills:

This game absolutely screams for an upset, but as much as I distrust the Houston Texans in any game that counts for anything, I trust Ryan Fitzpatrick and the Buffalo Bills even less. I could see this as a game where the Bills take a lead and then watch helplessly as the Texans come back to win by ten points. (Most likely highlighted by a Fitzpatrick TAINT while trying to throw to a triple-covered Terrell Owens)

Bears (-13) over Browns:

The line is ridiculously high for this game, but the only thing keeping it from being any higher is Loveie Smith’s lack of sense or coaching ability. Can anyone explain to me why this team continues to  try and pound the ball up the middle with a crappy offensive line and a good quarterback? I love Matt Forte, but I think eventually you need to open up the offense and use the speedsters you have on the outside (Knox and Hester) And speaking of Hester, he is the most poorly used player in the National Football League. Why exactly would you take the most explosive return man in the history of the league and put him at a position where he sucks? (In case you forget how good he is, check this out) Aside from Steve Smith in Carolina, who has made that transition well?

Dolphins (+3) over Jets:

Ever since Kris Jenkins went down for the Jets, I just don’t trust this defense to stop the run, and there’s no worse team to play in that situation than the Miami Dolphins. The only thing keeping them from being a good team is their insistence on throwing the ball to Ted Ginn. I look for them to get a lead in this game and then pound the ball for the entire second half. If that doesn’t work, I can see them distracting Mark Sanchez with grilled meats and beer during key moments.

49ers (+12.5) over Colts:

Here’s my upset special of the week. Now that the bandwagon is officially full for the Indianapolis Colts, it’s the perfect time for them to drop a game against a better coached, more physical, more motivated team. The Colts should do away with the pretense and make Peyton Manning an official player-coach already. Seriously, is there any player in all of sports who does a better job of being a “coach on the field” than he does? I absolutely despise the Colts, but boy, I do respect Manning.  With all that said, he still can’t play defense, and I’m not convinced that the Colts can stop the run against a good back like Frank Gore. If I’m Mike Singletary I keep the ball out of Alex Smith’s hands as long as possible and ride Gore the entire game…. That could be trouble for Indy.

Cowboys (-9.5) over Seahawks:

I know that everyone is jumping all over this topic, but has there ever been a worse decade for a sports city than the one that Seattle is having? The Mariners suck,  the Zombie-Sonics are developing into a future dynasty in another city four thousand miles away (give it 3 years), U-Dub is terrible in nearly every sport; heck, the only winning team they have left is the MLS franchise, the Sounders…. Just a sad state of affairs for a wonderful sports region. That makes me wonder, how is it that total morons like Al Davis can keep a team in a city for years despite having no signs of past or future success, but nobody can seem to keep a team in Seattle, where they actually have occasional success? I ask myself that on a regular basis. I think I might have to explore that further in my “Worst Owners” study.

Lions (-3.5) over Rams:

Nothing to see here… move along, move along.
(Side note: could this potentially be the worst match-up in the history of organized sports. Honestly, think about It. Can you come up with any game you’d like to see less than this one? I can’t.)

Giants (-1) over Eagles:

This has potential to be the best game of the week. The Giants are coming off of two terrible losses and I don’t think there’s any way they lose a third straight. They need to take the ball out of Eli Manning’s hands and run Brandon Jacobs thirty times. Also, it’s going to be interesting to see what effect the World Series has on these fans. The aftereffects of Game 4 could potentially take the crowd out of the game or amp them up even more, depending on the outcome. (note: 5-3 Yankees in the 5th inning at the time of publication). I’m also excited to see if Michael Vick can make an impact for the Eagles in this game. The Giants just seem like the type of defense you can break a big play against with the Wildcat formation.

Chargers (-16.5) over Raiders:

Another absolutely horrendous matchup. Unless the Raiders can do what they did to the Eagles (score early, run the ball, play defense) they have no chance in this game. For the sake of my fantasy team let’s hope this is the week that LaDanian Tomlinson finally breaks out of his slump.

Titans (-3) over Jaguars:

Wasn’t it just five weeks ago that the Jaguars were so horrendous their fans walked out at halftime of the game against the Cardinals?  Now they have to face a Titans team that will never be more ready for a game than they are for this one? Maybe it’s just my sentimental side wanting another immature, waste of talent to succeed, but I like Vince Young’s chances to succeed this week. I will not, however, be watching a single second of this game. It’s nearly as unwatchable as the Rams-Lions gem that we’ve got going on earlier.

Cardinals (-10) over Panthers:

I officially award Jake Delhomme the Rex Grossman-good God why are we throwing the ball with him- no God no, status. He’s just that bad. And believe it or not, the Cardinals are actually a good team. How we allowed that to happen, I don’t know, but I am officially on board with the Arizona Cardinals.

Falcons (+11) over Saints:

Whenever a team gets tested like the Saints did last week, it can push them one of two directions: they can rebound and go on a winning streak a la the 2008 Indianapolis Colts, or they can be so emotionally drained they screw the pooch in their next game; kind of like how the Chargers play after their inevitable first round upset of the Indianapolis Colts every season. I think with the combination of a good Falcons team and a slightly overrated Saints team that Reggie Bush goes home disappointed this week.

Packers (-3) over Vikings/ My hatred of the Packers over Hatred of Brett Favre:

I absolutely hate this game, yet at the same time, I am absolutely fascinated. I absolutely love games with storylines. It’s like watching Monday Night Raw, which conveniently enough I will be watching at the same time. I almost expect Favre to throw a pivotal interception and then tear off his jersey to reveal a Packer’s Jersey while Jim Ross screams “Good God!! It’s Brett Favre’s music”.  I’m torn between wanting the Packers to go 0-16 every year and Brett Favre to tear his groin/labrum/meniscus/scrotum at some point during a game. Honestly, the only acceptable ending to this game is an act of God involving a giant hole and a good place to put Lambeau field.
Prediction: Packers 37- Vikings 23

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

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