Knowledge is power!


Growing up, I had always had trouble with both my weight and fitness level. While I was obsessed with playing sports and was a fairly active kid, I was also obsessed with handfuls of Oreo’s and chocolate milk. I always wanted to be healthier and skinnier, but never really did much to make it happen. I would go to the gym but stop at Taco Bell for a giant meal afterward, since I “really worked up an appetite”. It wasn’t until a couple of years ago, I decided to drastically cut my diet down and started running. At first, when I tried to get my fiancé to run with me, she either flat out refused or would grudgingly come along for a couple of laps. Needless to say, this wasn’t really helping either of us.

I don’t know what sparked the change, but about a year ago, we both started to really get into running: it started with a mile here or there, then it progressed to training for a 5k and got all the way to me running a half marathon at the end of 2014. All of this running taught me a couple of things. First of all, running is stupid. It’s become my favorite hobby, but I absolutely hate it and despise how much time, thought and effort I dedicate to it. The main reason I stick to it is for the second thing it’s taught me: you learn something new about yourself in every workout you do. Whether it’s the hour-long interval run with hill sprints where you want to throw up every step of the way, or the easy mile down the street, you discover something. “What did you learn today?” has become the starting point for post run conversations between my fiancé and me. Sometimes it’s the realization of how far she’s come toward her fitness goals, and how much it makes her want more; both out of running and out of life. Other times, it’s a little thing, like “I learned that barking dogs really bother me on my run.” Whether it’s something life changing or just a petty annoyance you discover, it’s always important to think about what you’ve learned after an event.

In a similar way, I’ve always enjoyed looking back at a stretch or set of games and trying to figure out what, if anything changed or was learned from those specific games.

Last week, to put it mildly, was pure insanity. The Seahawks comeback/ Mike McCarthy choke job was the most ridiculous turnaround I can recall seeing, and the experience was enhanced by the involvement of social media. While I hate the way people sound off on topics with no research, limited intelligence and zero accountability, I thoroughly enjoy the broad overview that social media can provide. Whether you were pro-Seahawks, anti-Packers, both or neither, odds are you had an opinion on the game, and you provided it through whichever platform you prefer. With a little bit of effort, one could essentially conduct a national survey on Sunday’s events simply by scanning timelines and Twitter feeds. If the ‘Hawks and Packers game was a delicious feast of a dinner, Patriots v. Colts was the delicious looking chocolate covered strawberry for dessert. It seemed amazing; you had Brady v. Luck, Belichik v. ChuckStrong and Gronk v. McAfee at the beer pong table. However, once we bit into this game, we realized that the chocolate had melted a little bit, the strawberry was dirty and afterward we got sick because it was rotten (Deflate Gate). Any joy that I may have received from watching the Colts get blown out was neutralized by the boredom of the game and the annoyance of the controversy later.

All that aside, there was still plenty to be learned with further review:

1. Jay Cutler> Wilson/Rodgers: Listen, I think Wilson is fantastic, and you don’t have to look far to see how I feel about Rodgers. However, for all the talk about how awful Jay Cutler is, his team has never lost a conference championship game in which he was playing quarterback to finish the game. Also, come on Russell! 4 interceptions? Have some pride. Jay has thrown 1 combined in all of his NFC championship appearances. In fact, he was so distraught about the 1 he did throw, that he preferred to sit out with a knee injury, rather than suffer the indignity of potentially throwing more. Clearly the Seahawks should offer multiple 1st round picks and Bobby Wagner for Cutler. Wilson could really benefit from some of his veteran advice and leadership. Let me tell you about life, Russell.

2. Eddie Lacy needs to be traded: For the 2nd week in a row, the hefty halfback was sidelined for portions of the game by his recurring asthma attacks. I don’t care that he’s in better shape than I will ever be, is more athletic than I am and has a better physique than I will ever have. He clearly is a physical car crash waiting to happen. Medical studies show that asthma symptoms can be greatly reduced by cutting your weight and committing to a healthier lifestyle. A healthier lifestyle can mean a lot of things: one of them is cutting back on your fatty foods. Lacy just happens to live and play in a region known for production of cheese and fried foods. If he really wants his career to take off, he needs to demand a trade to a franchise more committed to healthy eating. Ted Thompson should be on the phone with San Diego, Seattle, San Francisco or one of those other healthy, hippy cities to try and get whatever he can before everyone else realizes that Lacy is damaged goods.

3. Tom Brady has telekinetic powers: In his press conference yesterday, Tom Terrific vehemently denied handling any of the footballs last week with the intent of deflating them. As we all know, players and coaches never lie or cover things up for an advantage or to protect themselves. What Tom did not deny, however, was that he somehow manipulated or deflated them with his mind. This, combined with his ability to somehow make LeGarrette Blount into a relevant player every other year, tells me that he possesses some form of mind control or telekinetic powers. You’re busted, Tom. While the league rules do not specifically state that mind control or telekinesis is off limits, it goes directly against the spirit and integrity of the game and you should be ashamed of yourself.

4. D’Qwell Jackson is a modern day Sherlock Holmes: Several reports have come out this week regarding the so called “Deflate Gate”- some of them seem to back the Patriots’ “we had no idea” statements, and others seem to point to blatant cheating. All of them, however, agree that multiple people handled the footballs, both before, and during the first half. With all of these people throwing and carrying the ball, not a single one of them noticed or commented on the air pressure. Insert D’Qwell Jackson, his magical hands and keen sense of wrongdoing. Early in the game, Jackson had sensed that the Patriots were up to something- he just wasn’t sure what. Finally, he got his chance to get to the bottom of it all. On a terribly thrown Brady pass late in the first half, Jackson was able to pluck the ball out of midair, diagnose the correct air pressure level and somehow turn and run with it. These remarkable skills of deduction put him on par with Sherlock Holmes himself. While Mr. Jackson makes a fine living playing football, he’s clearly missed his calling in detective work. Please D’Qwell: you’re not the hero we want, you’re the hero we deserve. (Writer’s note: Jackson has recently denied his involvement, but I put this on par with Bruce Wayne’s “oh me? I’m not Batman, I’m just a billionaire playboy” denial. I’m onto you, D’Qwell!)

Hopefully we’ve all learned a little something this week; whether it will be life changing or not, I’m not sure. For this week, enjoy the lack of football, watch the Royal Rumble and take a shot every time somebody makes a “deflated balls” joke.
Juvenile humor is the best medicine


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