Welcome to Miami


For this week’s rantings, I’m gonna get a little bit of help from one of my good buddies: Zach Shockey.  While Zach is a Packers fan and a die-hard Brett Favre fan, I still respect his opinion, and when I thought about breaking down the top wide receivers, quarterbacks and running backs, I knew there was no one else I could go to. So this week we’re gonna break down the Super Bowl, as well as highlight some of the best players in the history of the league.

Hello everyone, I was asked by my good friend Luke R. Purgatory…I mean Haglund to give you the top seven RBs of all time, as well as my pick for the superbowl. First a couple of things I want to share. Please allow myself to introduce…myself; I am the incomparable Zachery Alan Shockey the first. I would also like to take this time to inform you that I am not a colts fan by any means and probably, no no, I will definitely be bashing them in this post. WHO DAT!!!

…On to the RBs

I may be biased, but this is my favorite pick

7. O.J. Simpson

6. Earl Campbell

5. Emmitt Smith

4. Eric Dickerson

3. Walter Payton

2. Barry Sanders

1. Jim Brown

My top three were the easiest to choose on this one. Say what you will about LT, AP, and any other idiot in the NFL that wants to refer to himself by his initials, without players like Jim Brown, Barry Sanders, and Sweetness himself they wouldn’t have careers. Let’s start with Sweetness, even as a Packers fan I must admit a classier guy there is none. From the superbowl shuffle to over 16,000 yds rushing,  Payton was definitely one of the best.

Barry Sanders: what can I say about this man? I have never seen anyone do more with less. Some may say well why would you put Jim Brown at the top? If you’re seriously asking me this I want you to do something. I would like you to punch yourself in head as hard as possible, if you need some help let me know, and if you’re asking who is Jim Brown then please just stop reading now. The man was a stud, never has then been a more punishing back. The man was so good that DTs were afraid to tackle him. Players knew that if they had to tackle Brown they better take out his legs or in the words of Jack Parkman “you’re standing on the tracks and the train’s coming through.” Usually when I give this list to people, they ask how Smith can’t be number one. They’ll say things like “he’s the all time leading rusher,” sorry folks I could have driven a semi through the holes that man had.

Even at 74, I wouldn't mess with this guy

…Is a WHO DAT BAT in the hand worth a Lombardi in the Bayou?

Well now that I’ve explained some of my reasons for my picks it’s on to my superbowl pick. First let’s  analyze the teams.

Colts   (14-2)

Coach: Jim Caldwell

Key Players: Manning, Clark, Freeney

Home Record : (7-1)

Road Record: (7-1)

X-Factor: Austin Collie


PPG: 26.0(7th)

Total Yards: 363.1(9th)

Passing Yards: 282.2(2nd)

Rushing Yards: 80.9(32nd)

My Favorite Mormon

PTS. Allowed: 19.2(8th)

Yards Allowed: 339.2(18th)

Passing Yards: 212.7(14th)

Rushing Yards: 126.5(24th)

Saints (13-3)

Coach: Sean Payton

Key Players: Brees, Shockey, Sharper

Home Record: (6-2)

Road Record (7-1)

X-Factor: Reggie Bush


PPG: 31.9 (1st)

Total Offense: 403.8 (1st)

Passing Yards: 272.2 (4th)

My pick for Super Bowl MVP

Rushing Yards: 131.6 (6th)


Points Allowed: 21.3 (2oth)

Yards Allowed: 357.8 (28th)

Passing Yards: 235.6 (26th)

Rushing Yards: 122.2 (21st)

As I sit here and watch Daniel Tosh try to return a kick against a women’s professional football team, and eventually watch him get laid out by Bill Romanowski I can’t help but hope that this will be a good game. You can see the numbers in front of you, clearly the Saints have the better offense and the Colts seemingly have the better defense, though neither is really all that great. The teams seem to be closely matched; the numbers suggest it should be a good game. Before I get to my actual prediction I want to stress how much I want a competitive game. Thus far throughout the playoffs we have had two good games (Cards v. Packers, and Saints v. Vikes). Well if these playoffs are any indication this game probably won’t be close either. I predict that I will be playing cards a quarter of the way into the second half. That being said the numbers are there in front of you. I want to say this, throughout the season the Saints have been the best team in football, sorry Colts fans. I know it’s seemingly difficult for Indy fans to actually look at their team objectively, but take solace that you had the second best team this year. Clearly both teams can score we know that, and both defenses have the reputations of being able to bend and not break. I think this game is going to come down to two things, QB pressure and time of possession.

Getting to either of these QBs is going to be difficult. Brees has only been sacked once in these playoffs, and Manning only four times. We know that because of his o-line and quick release Manning is a tough cat to get to. We also know because of his mobility and vision that Brees is equally as difficult to put on the turf. I think the key to this is going to be Dwight Freeney. As we have all heard for the past two weeks Freeney has an injured ankle. A lot of the Colts pressure will depend on whether or not that man will play. Judging by what I have heard recently it looks like he’s going to give it a go. I have to ask, even if he does play, how much of an impact will he be able to make? I must say though if he ends up not playing that is a definite advantage for the Saints. I want to make sure that people know that these offenses will score points and lots of them. So when your team can’t stop the other offense don’t worry because chances are their D won’t be able to stop you either. Now I have heard that Sean Payton is quite the motivator, are you really surprised? I mean this is the same man that put on a hoodie with cutoff sleeves, and told the Saints why they wouldn’t beat the Pats. He also gave each member of the team a baseball bat. Payton is a great coach, as far as Caldwell…I’m not sure. What I am saying is that a retarded dolphin could coach a team with Manning at QB.

Does Peyton Manning speak dolphin???

When everything is said and done at the end of this game, I honestly think this is going to come down to time of possession, due to absolutely no running game to speak of and a shaky run defense I have to give the advantage to the Saints. I must say it finally looks like Reggie Bush is finally playing up to his potential. You know come to think of it Lamar Odom is finally playing to his potential as well…hmm I wonder what the link between them could be? Too bad Hank Baskett didn’t figure out the Kardashian secret, (by the way great pick up Indy). As big and as key as Manning and Brees are I think that ultimately this game will come down to defense and the running games. Who can control the ball and which D will get a key stop? My prediction 48-41 Saints. That’s right the Lombardi trophy will be headed to the bayou. Looks like Coach Dungy will be wrong about this one not being close and being dominated by the Colts. Way to be an impartial game commentator. Way to be a tool Nosferatu, and congratulations on being the most socially awkward man on TV. Please stop staring at the camera without blinking…seriously it’s freaking me out.

Coming soon: Luke’s picks and top QB’s.


2 Responses to “Welcome to Miami”

  1. Tony Dungy Says:

    “Way to be an impartial game commentator.” – I’m an analyst, I’m allowed to be impartial. No different from Cris Carter pulling for the Vikings or Rodney Harrison predicting a Patriots’ victory. Our job is to analyze, not be a commentator. *continues to stare*

  2. Tony Dungy Says:

    I criticized and now I would like to be the first to say that unlike me, you accurately predicted the outcome as well as the keys to this game. The Saints controlled the ball and kept it out of Peyton’s hands in crucial situations (onside kick – brilliant). Their defense stepped up and the pick-six sealed the victory for New Orleans. Kudos to you. *haven’t blinked since my first post*

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: